Changing Your Sexual Story for better intimacy.
Video on Youtube of the Livestream
Transcription for the video :
Hi and welcome to today’s livestream, I’m Maryke and I’m Your resident psychosexual and Pleasure coach.
In today’s livestream, I’m going to talk about your current sexual and pleasure stories.
So what are these stories? These stories are really protective mechanisms Your nervous system has created to protect You.
Stories are learned, they are either learned through experience, through seeing what someone else experienced and from there the progression is created beliefs and further protection in your system.
And the symptoms of all of this is so vast and different for everyone.
So let’s look at the stories, the stories will look like vaginismus, anorgasmia, penetration anxiety, erectile failure, weight conditions, over eating, under eating, nausea after sex, loss or low libido and many more. What do they sound like?
They can sound like; Everytime I’m intimate with my partner, I end up feeling disconnected and can’t experience an orgasm. I feel locked up, my throat feels like it closes off and I find my mind drifting off somewhere else as anxiety sets in and I feel like I’m never going to experience an orgasm. I feel the orgasm build but just can’t get it over the shreshold. It feels like something shuts down and I’m left faking my orgasm, hoping my partner won’t notice.
That is usually what a story would look like and sound like. It is a long script that is run in the mind.
So, many times these scripts and stories are created because we were taught that sex is unsafe on some level. And so it creates a disconnect between the three parts of our brain. The primal brain this space stores our unconscious beliefs and memories, our instinctive impulses and our somatic felt sense experiences.
The Limbic system, this houses your emotions, feelings and your physical body experiences.
The Cortex
This is the space is for thinking and control, as well as planning and your visionary skills.
Traumatic experiences actually disrupt the three parts of the brain and changes the structures in the brain.
When we work on a somatic and cognitive way, especially in a very special way with the body we are able to discharge shock from the nervous system.
So, I’m going to guide you through a very gentle and simple way to bring your awareness into your body and start to notice sensations. I want to ask you to go very slowly. If you are highly charged, hypervigilant and very emotional, don’t do this without the guidance of a coach or therapist. Rather just write the story and rewrite the new one, but don’t go into the somatic work.
And if You’re feeling only numbness, that’s fine too. Numbness is there to protect you and is in fact also a sensation in it’s own right.
Some of the shock that we have experienced as young kids can be various things, this can include heartbreak, feeling like we don’t belong, being in the clutches of a narcassist, your parents not attending to your needs when you were a baby, abandonment from one or both parents and being ostracized.
All of these play such a big role in your development. These experiences often causes people to close of their hearts, and it forms fears and layers of hardness around their heart. This can and does make it difficult to open themselves up to intimacy in fear of being hurt and devastated again.
Some folks might experience sexual attraction to someone, but not love for that someone, and this can also be a sign of a nervous system in shock.
So when we go through this somatic experience, I want to remind you that you could potentially be experiencing habitual patterns and that can be mistaken for the somatic felt sense.
It takes patience, love, practice and it is a art to actually become aware of the true somatic felt sense. With time and practice and patience you become aware what is truly coming from a deep place instead of a space of survival.
So let’s first look at Your story.
What story do You currently carry around Your Sexual Pleasure?
Is it yours?
How long have you had it?
We know it’s main function is to serve and help you, but are you truly happy with that result?
What other details do You have around this?
Now, when this activates. What sensations – not emotions. Sensations are coming up and where?
Remember if it get’s too much. Get up and walk, drink water, speak to a friend, gently stroke your arms and your hair and your neck and legs. TAP your feed on the floor to ground you.
Okay so now that You have that knowledge, what new story and what new sensations do You want to write?
What are the new emotions?
What are the new sensations?
What are the new beliefs?