Reconnecting with Your Partner.

I’m sure that whenever I speak about great sex, everyone’s minds go off on a tangent of their fairy tale sex life. For each person the words “great sex”, means something different. 

For me, the way I define it is, the experience that creates a union so powerful and so loving that it gives them space to be curious and to explore love in all it’s forms, as well as to experience pleasure through all the senses of the body, through the mind, through the spiritual parts of ourselves and through our humanness.

I was long taught how sex was a sin, and how it was removed from the presence of God.

But I realized in my journey learning about sacred sexuality that God should be invited into the bedroom. Because God does not sit on some cloud out there in the heavens. God dwells within You. And so a sexual union is actually deeply spiritual in nature. A couple who has a sacred experience during their union has created a space of worship. I digress a bit here. Let me get back on track again…

So let’s exercise a bit of curiosity shall we? Let’s look at LOVE – our hearts allow us to engage emotionally and physically with each other, which allows our hearts to express the same pleasure and play and joy and surrender as our sexual organs. This is whole body, whole soul, whole mind experiences.

When you unite as a couple, you are connected, you go into a space where you worship each other – and it’s nothing to do with – oh I have to now pump my hips so that I can climax. This is all about the two of you being in the present moment, serving from the heart, soul and mind.

From the whole.

Which is from a space of total love. When we create pleasure, what we’re doing is creating a co – creation of experiences that brings us to that beautiful space of ecstasy and if you’re an avid Sacred sexuality follower – even beyond, shifting into spiritual bliss and euphoria, literally meeting the Creator. 

Your entire being is engaged, because here’s the thing you’re not just a body, or a mind. You’re an entirety. And You have divinity dwelling inside of you.

I have added a couple of practices that you can practice with your partner to start your process in this experience. Each week You’ll get access to them on my site here.

I recommend that you do this as often as possible. Remember that sex has a huge shadow, and depending on you and your partner, there might be a degree of sexual shame, guilt or wounding that hasn’t really been healed yet.

So please be aware of that in yourselves, this could likely make your journey a little longer. But for now – be open, and practice this as much as possible.

First Practice :

Let’s face it, you’re both crazy busy. There are likely kids, jobs, health and various other distractions going on. But I want to also urge you, that the time you spend watching TV is a distraction. How about using 5 – 10 minutes of your TV time to reconnect with each other. This is a practice that is done over and over and over again.

This practice is what you will make of it, you aren’t expected to engage in sex of any kind. What I want to help you achieve here is for you to reconnect with each other. That 5 – 10 minutes will build up each day – and it just helps your nervous systems become safer in each other.

Suggestions for reconnection :

1. Massaging each other for 5 minutes – be present.
2. Stroking each other’s feet, knees, arms, or neck
3. Kissing
4. Sitting astride each other
5. Laying or sitting on the couch and just holding each other
6. Laying or sitting on the bed or couch and looking at each other’s faces and eyes

What you want to do is to choose from the above list, and to then decide on a time – and to set the intention that when you do this that you want your loving compassionate energy to circulate and move within each other and between the two of you. You intend to convey the unspoken messages of love and acceptance for that time you chose to be together.

Practice 2

Foreplay – a friend of mine would correct me here and say – no such thing as foreplay – it’s all sex. But for all intents and purposes, let’s just work with the word foreplay.

When you are inside of your body, and you’re connecting to your body and not off on some fantasy island or rewatching the porn from the other day in your mind, this will enable you to have incredible orgasms.  It is so important for your body to be harmonized and to be awakened.

It is easy to get lost in the myriad of sensations that takes over, but I want to invite you to truly first play first. Being totally present in each other’s bodies, and the messages that is being conveyed as you play and turn on the heat.

Allow yourself to feel the sensations of lips on your belly, or neck.

Or a tongue on your nipples or earlobe. Be present to what your body experiences as you give this, and as you receive this from your partner. Where do you feel this? What does it do to your body? Allow it to truly wake you up.

Let the messages that your partner is conveying be carried to each cell in your body. Let your body and you feel worshipped by this exchange.

As you are kissing and licking and touching, can you let the “energy” from your genitals move up into your mouth and your fingers? Can you let that energy bridge and enter your partners body?

Can you imagine or pretend that you’re sending them so much of your soul depth love? And you as the recipient. What can you notice as your partner is doing this? And as you welcome them doing this for you, can you also let that energy flow back into them from your touch?

Notice what is different as the two of you share your energy, passion and love. With the intention that you want your partner to feel your soul and the love you hold for them.

Practice 3:  Breathwork

Breath work is hugely underrated, but it’s starting to find it’s place in the world now. It’s powerful beyond realization. Scientifically it tones and activates the vagus nerve, reactivating the Parasympathetic nervous system whereby safety is naturally then reinstated.

Not just that, but it moves your energy, and when you experience that, your pleasure increases.

Breathwork awakens and heightens your pleasure, and your ability to work with your inner energy. When you as a couple do this together, it harmonizes and synchronizes the separate energies as a couple.

Conscious Couple’s Breathwork Practice

Step one : Choose who’s breath you will be mirroring at first. 

You will breathe normally and the other partner will mirror the breathing of the partner that is leading for now. When leading partner inhales, the other partner inhales too, when leading partner exhales, she exhales too.

Do this for 10 minutes.

Then change roles. 

This allows you as a couple to connect and it brings a consciousness to your partners body which allows for more presence between the two for you.

You can do this practice any time. It is not reserved just for during your love making process. You can do this as you hug or hold each other, or early in the morning as you wake up. This practice is beautifully sacred and allows the two of you to connect in a conscious loving way. You can choose to end your day with this as well.

Reciprocal Breathwork :

This breathwork is beautiful. Think of it as a circle. As the one exhales the other inhales, this is a continuous pattern of inhaling and exhaling opposite of each other.

One of you will choose who will exhale, the other will then inhale. Then after 10 minutes you will swop places. This creates a full energy circuit between you, and it heightens energy.

For amazing pleasure, breathing throughout your sexual exploration will allow you to open up to the physical and emotional circuitry where you can feel more and deeper pleasure.

Whenever we explore, people tend to hold their breath or slow it way down. But if you can learn to breathe through it, you can deepen your moment of ecstasy. Breath is life. If you stop breathing you weaken the circuitry.

I was learning Applied Kinesiology, and we were learning about energy circuits, as we were told to hold each other, I held my breath and my muscles lost strength, but as I breathed through the muscles test my muscles strengthened and she couldn’t push my muscles down.

Your ecstasy and euphoria can move better through your body when you breathe through your orgasms, when you employ breathwork throughout the experience of pleasure.

I hope you enjoyed this weeks blog. May it serve you tremendously.

To Your amazing love and Joy!

Love

Maryke

Psychosexual Dysfunction Specialist & Sex Coach