The One thing everyone wants…

I am hoping as I write this to you that you will either one day know or hopefully NOW know a truth.

You are indeed extraordinary.

And look I get it, whenever someone says this to You, You may be riddled with “No, can’t be”. “Really? Don’t bullshit me” or or various other thoughts that might arise for you. Because let’s face it, the majority of humans on this planet are riddled with self doubt, inner pain and wounding.

Now I want to share another truth with you, and that is – all humans really truly want is love. It comes down to that one fundamental experience of having love, being loved and loving someone or something back.

But the sad thing is, as much as we want it, we may very likely be rejecting it as well. You might be experiencing this inner conflict that is playing games with you on such a level that you don’t know what is true and untrue any longer.

You see so many people are actually terrified of intimacy and so they might not realize that they are experiencing hidden resistance to intimacy.

The important thing here is education, it is diving deeply into yourself to see where are you resisting it and then to bring a union between mind, body and spirt and experiencing deep loving safety in your nervous system towards having love, being loved, and loving someone.

Fear and resistance are so good at hiding, they are to say the least most people’s blind spots. And it’s sometimes difficult to realize that you’re a love anarchist.

The thing is however – this is a protective mechanism. There is one part trying it’s best to just protect You, whilst another part is doing it’s best to bring love to you.

This pattern I have found has been created between the ages of 0 – 8 years of age and it’s so destructive.

That one hugely protective part will sabotage and it will give you all kinds of stories to stop you from stepping fully and completely into juicy, wildly satisfying, safe and heavenly love.

Now we don’t just have that to contend with, we also have that lovely ball and chain that you’re still connected to from previous experiences to work through.

Because that baggage simply creates a stronger shell of being picky and self protective.

And let’s face it – very few humans actually want to admit to this. Because hey, it’s easier to pretend it doesn’t exist. Just like your looming admin books, your looming bookkeeping work you’ve been putting of for nearly 8 months, or the back taxes you’ve been owing for so long. If you don’t admit to it being there. It simply can’t exist. (she says with tongue in cheek and sarcasm)

Ouch. Nope. No. It’s still going to be there.

And it will crash and burn everything around you if you don’t face up to it. In my private practice I’ve seen my clients experience this, they get into a new relationship, it goes well for a while. Then BOOM! The BIGGEST bomb drops and their relationship is flying all over the place like psychic vomit. (sorry for that visual) But I needed to bring a point across.

EVERYONE has baggage, it is the human condition. BUT because everyone has it, it doesn’t give you a VIP pass to Ignoresville. You see, you are still carrying around so many of those metal balls around your legs from the past.

And they build up, and eventually you will find yourself behind the metal ball walls where nobody can access and you’re facing another broken relationship or devastation.

We must if we are to have healthy relationships, cut those chains and free ourselves as much possible. You see, those metal balls around your ankles are like little viruses, they multiply. They infect your children and your family members. So, it’s not just You struggling in the end. But also those you deeply love and care for.

The longer you have these metal balls chained around your ankles, the more they will drag you down. One ball is called resentment, the other annoyance, the other unprocessed grief, the other sadness, the other unprocessed anger etc. You see – all of those experiences from the past has created a neuralpathway in your brain with certain actions and reactions.

And they take up space. BIG MEGA RAM AND GIGABYTES of space in your system. So much so that they tend to tank your finances, your health, your well being and your ability to be at peace and in a state of joy.

Over time more and more of these metal balls take up more space because they grow. They get bigger, they multiply in your own system too.

YIKES right? Yes.

Unresolved grief, will shut you off, shut you down, and create the most unpleasant survival mechanisms and abusive patterns. It causes you to become incredibly picky – nothing wrong with knowing what you want and having standards, but when an amazing person comes your way – can you truly recognize them or will you go back into abusive cycles where the two of you nit-pick, become abusive and truly rip each other to shreds?

And whenever the two of you work to resolve something will you again be faced with the protective mechanisms like shutting down? Perhaps becoming defensive, or manipulative? Breaking down yourself and the other person piece by piece?

You see these mechanisms as I told you are there to protect you, so you don’t get hurt again, so You don’t endure the pain of love.

These patterns stops you from finding someone you can truly bond with – hey You can’t get hurt if you can’t bond with someone right? And should it happen that a wonderful person does grace your doorstep,  you’ll create a way without actually realizing it, to sabotage that relationship so quick, that they could write a screen play for one of those T.V soaps.

Your brain associates love as unsafe. And the brain’s job is to purely keep you safe my love. And it will do it at any cost. Till you tell it that you’re safe and secure. Till you turn love into a space of peace and safety.

Your nervous system did what it could to protect and help you and this is why these patterns are there. However there is great news. You don’t need to suffer them! You can start by creating a safe space for your ability to be loved, to experience love and to love.

Sooooo – what are some of the ways to recognize these insidious thoughts and beliefs?

Well – usually you can betcha bottom dollar that it will look or feel or sound like “Men are always _______”, “Women are always ________”, “I’m unloveable”, “I’m only good to be used and I’m not made for love”, “What if (they don’t like/love/find me __________?, “Women only want one thing”, “Men only want one thing.”, “I can’t ____________”, “I’ll never find love/be loved.”, “I’m not skinny enough”, “I’m not enough”.

And believe me I have had these myself. They came in the night like a thief. I never knew what hit me. But boy – did they do damage. Horrible, heart breaking, devastating damage.

You my dearest wonder of a soul have created a reality based on these beliefs. Whether You’re ready to look at this and ready to understand the power you yield in that amazing mind of yours, I want to invite you to start looking at what possible outcomes you’ve been creating.

What have you been feeding? The fear or love?

Now, I’m going to say this to you. Those who have been willing to cut themselves from those ball and chains, have been able to experience true abundance on all levels.

Once you identify the beliefs your brain holds around love – you are then able to free yourself. Actually feel deep peace. Actually open up to living life fully and not like that of the living dead. You’re not doing this for anyone else, but Yourself. Because you’re putting yourself first. You’re putting yourself first to experience deep wild love. This isn’t just about being in a relationship or finding your soulmate.

No.

It’s also not about protecting yourself from being hurt again.

But honestly this entire journey is about You. It’s about re – creating a deep trust between you and yourself, it’s about truly knowing who you are and at the same time accepting yourself fully and completely. It’s about showing up and taking up so much space – and owning it without an inch of the old limiting narratives that had been whispering in your ear about all the things that could go wrong.

When you are able to truly accept, and love and deeply respect yourself on all levels, and you finally know how incredibly loved you are then pure love is revealed to you.

You are only available what you’re ready for. If you can’t truly hold that space for yourself, then you won’t be winning that prize of love my dearest being.

You have to be willing to shift your relationship with love, and to trust it.

And let me explain one thing to you. The whole “I can’t live without you” narrative is toxic as hell. It is devastating and from a space of fear and not love. That shit is not welcome, because you will always fear losing your partner, You will always be riddled with anxieties around your relationship. Is that a relationship made in true heaven?

I’ll let you answer that one.

So what will you be choosing today my dearest being?

To Your amazing and epic Love

Maryke

Your Mindset & Love Architect